“uniforms” 15 May 06
Posted by רות in Misc.trackback
this is much more difficult to write than i first imagined. i first started drafting this back in January after dovbear had several posts on hats.
i’ve gone back and forth about what I want to write, my experiences both in my previous life and now; my interpretations as to why some feel the need for a uniform — of others and of themselves; what the definition of all of this is.
let’s see if i can come up with a coherent post. this topic is vast and i’ll see where my interest lies and where i think i want to go with it, also where if anyone has interest in my digging up or writing more.
i’ve always been drawn to uniforms for a sense of belonging. i don’t necessarily need that uniform to be part of an organization (such as a brownie uniform, or a school, or something). I see it as a stable view of me.
When I started junior high i was given some money to shop and buy new clothing. i went with a family friend (also my age). she picked out several different outfits… none of which could mix or match. i chose 2 pants (navy/black), 2 skirts (navy/black, knee length, tznius? i had no idea what that was yet), and 3-5 tops (i’m sure white, and something else, probably white and white). then i chose a dress that i felt i could wear for a while. i think it was a shift/jumper thing. probably in a solid color so i could put other things with it.
my mother and family friend thus called me “plain jane”. I just saw it as a practical uniform to put on where i didn’t have to think about it. i didn’t want people to look at my clothing labels (my school was very GAP-centric) but look at me. the cuts fit on my 12 year old body and they weren’t cropped or anything that was of style then. which my mom wanted me to wear. because they were cool. my mother also bleached my hair that summer so i’d look cool for the start of school. as it grew out (along with a horrible hair cut) i was taunted with “ruth has dirty blond hair”.. and i’m sure you can guess which word was emphasised, but i digress.
oh and i kept much of the clothing that i picked out for myself, but my budget was increased and the dress was put back and i was told to take this hideous pastel-floral thing with puffy sleeves. that could only be worn for a bit in the spring time. i think i wore it twice. i recall they tried to get me to purchase something trendy. i believe i resisted.
in highschool i pretty much lived in several uniforms depending on what i was doing. i had my athletic uniform for that aspect of my life. i lived in jeans and turtlenecks or tshirts for school (most tshirts had athletic stuff on them). for the other part of my life i had appropriate clothing for that activity — either khakis and polo shirts or formal clothing.. i did branch out beyond the navy and black but wasn’t very happy with myself. my classmates constantly made fun of my clothing, no matter what label it had, mostly because i didn’t know how to wear it and i tend to pick things out more appropriate for someone 20-30 years my senior.
i left for college with long skirts and sneakers. i thought it was slightly more adult. i then met and discovered what orthodox girls (women) wear. and i freaked. i stopped wearing skirts so as not to wear the uniform of someone i wasn’t and confuse people (especially when i was eating a meat+cheese sandwich over pesach).
we’ll ignore that i had begun reading about religion over the summer and one of my first courses was a compairson of religion course. i was on the path then…
we’ll skip a bit of time until i started the offical conversion process and moved into a frum area.
er, wait, let’s skip to the present. or very recent past… (around january)
I was walking home with a neighbor, with whom i am not very friendly but we have seen each other for years and nod to each other on the street. One day she bluntly asked where i was from because i was obviously not from “here” as i wore a certain article of clothing differently.
When i returned home i almost broke into tears. I had no idea that my uniform would single me out so much as an outsider? especially since i thought i had spent years (and many dollars) ‘perfecting’ my look to blend in. and i realized i don’t.
some examining of my wardrobe did indicate that i do stick out like a sore thumb.
i have more black skirts than I can count, some (ok 1 i prefer over all others and would LOVE to duplicate it before it is completely threadbare — in black and other colors). ok, that blends in.
However, i do not generally wear the dress (or casual dress) shoes most women here wear and generally have trainers on. This is from my athletic background and the fact that i walk everywhere i can. Since I’m under 55 this does raise a flag since I’ve not seen many women younger than that wear anything other than pointy toed black shoes with heels.
i don’t always wear a shaitel, when i do it never looks perfect like everyone else, nor did my own hair before i was married. i tie my tichel in “innovative” ways for where i live. it’s always commented that i tie it “differently”.
For a long long time i thought i had bitten and was wearing the local uniform hook, line and sinker. i didn’t think the little things i did different stuck out so much. my neighbor’s comment hit me. i’m still not sure if it hurt (i know that she has me labeled as bt, i’m not sure if a convert) or if i’m proud of it.
(pause for introspection)
i think given the other frustrations i’m currently having with where i live i’m embracing her comment as a compliment. i am, however, trying to regulate my uniform so that it won’t change so much day-to-day (long skirt, drab colors, shaitel one day; not so long, but still tznius skirt, slightly brighter colours, tichel the next…). i do wish my husband approved of long denim skirts to replace the jeans i miss terribly. they were comfortable and i don’t want to get into the pant/skirt debate here. not that i don’t have it with myself many days. he thinks long denim skirts (you know, the kind you can wear and not have to shave anything?) are only for high school girls. *sigh*
i think i’ll stop here for now. i’m not quite sure where i’m going with this and i do know this isn’t to post i first intended to write. i hope anything more i have to say doesn’t end up sitting in a drawer like my megillat ruth series as i want to take that public as me. which i both do and don’t. which is now hard to do. hmm.
open call anyone want me to talk about any aspect of this anymore? i do think eventually i would like to make some comments on what i’ve observed recently of school children, but this is observation only. i have no first-hand knowledge, nor have i ever spoken to one about their uniform.
Well, I grew up not frum, although I was Jewish, and I had to be forced into my first pair of jeans. I too got teased about my clothing, and I wasn’t mono-chrome. (And my parents had no idea of cool. You should see the jeans they tried to force me to wear. Hand-me-down no-name jeans from a cousin.) Mostly I tended to skirts, so I got asked a lot, “why do you always wear skirts?” I didn’t. Not always! But I guess more so than the other girls. So I was happy to learn about tzinus (in college) and ditch the jeans I had finally become comfortable in.
Now, well, either I do the uniform really well, or I live far enough out-of-town that there isn’t one here. (I really couldn’t tell you what shoes “everyone” wears, but they’re not the same as mine. And I’ve definitely seen sneakers, an oversized hooded sweatshirt, a denim skirt and a very nice sheitel (yes, all at once!) on one of the pillars of our community… who is also a new grandmother! (Her oldest is married with a newborn, her youngest is in 4th grade.) So no, denim isn’t just for high school girls.
And you need to visit other communities, and see that the uniform is really by neighborhood/city (depending on Jewish population density) and that’s all she meant.
i have seen other communities and i was very much under the belief that i was “pretty close” the uniform here. i think that’s why her comment shocked me so very much.
it’s the long skirt thing which bothers me the most. my husband doesn’t have that much against denim, he just thinks any ankle length non ballroom skirt is high-school-ish. it probably doesn’t help that i do look quite young for my age, but i see many women — including many grandmothers — who wear long skirts both denim and not.
it’s also difficult because i have found my community unaccepting of those who don’t subscribe to their uniform as if they are thus not fulfilling a mitzvah. but that’s a forthcoming post … (not sure when)
I’m lucky that I live in an “anything goes” (as long as it’s tziusdik, of course!) community. I prefer long skirts, because, like you, I like to wear trainers or teva sandals and not have to shave my legs
I don’t wear a shaitel, but alternate between tichels, hats and bandanas. When I’m lazy, I go the baseball cap route. In my community, I’ve seen long skirts, knee-length skirts, mid-calf, boots, pointy toed high heels, trainers, flip flops, shaitels, intricately tied tichels, loosely tied tichels, enormous hats, little hats, berets… you name it.
It makes me happy, but sometimes I wonder if there should be a more defined “uniform” for the community. But then again, we can never tell if someone is from “here” or from “somewhere else” by the way the dress, which makes it a lot easier to fit in.
Interesting topic. Good luck with the long skirt issue!